Friday, November 1, 2013

The Lyric- Shenandoah, PA

"Stay out of Shendo"- my mother,when I told her I was taking a drive as a teenager.

"Nothing but trouble happens in that town" - countless other Frackville residents, while I was growing up.

Yeah, Shenandoah, known by many names other than its actual name (such as Shendo, Chendo, Shanadoor, and 462 Land), has quite a reputation around these parts.  When I was a teenager, it was known as the place where teenagers engaged in "cruising"- driving one's car in a gigantic figure eight loop through town, yelling at people you knew as you passed by, and the frequent fights that occurred.  Shenandoah has been home to quite a few interesting characters.  I remember specifically seeing a crazed-looking gentleman in his 40's getting in quite the argument with a parking meter.  By the way, there was no car parked in the parking meter's spot- he was pretty much just yelling at an inanimate object.

What a town.  It also has its fair share of food establishments, but my two favorites growing up, Socca's Bakery and Armando's Pizza, are long gone.  Still standing, and probably will be for years to come, is Kowalonek's Kielbasy shop, which will deserve its own entry in the future.  In the meantine, just trust me: go get some Kilbo there.  Lucky's Deli by the high school is also pretty good for Kielbasa.

Standing near the main intersection of Shenandoah is the old Lyric Theater.  I cannot recall what this building was used for in my youth, though I think it was just a series of bars for awhile.  At one point, many moons ago, it was indeed a movie theater, just like many towns in the area had small theaters during their boom period.  The Lyric looks to be a nice size; I bet that it was a nice place to see a film in its day.

Now the Lyric is a restaurant that has retained the name of the old theater, and a fairly popular restaurant in the area to boot.  I have eaten there a number of times with family and also with work colleagues, so I think I have a pretty good handle on what it has to offer.  I wish I could say that it had something good to offer.

Maybe I shouldn't be so harsh with that last sentence, but I had a horrible experience there today, and I must admit that it has colored much of my memory about eating here.  Before tonight, I would have told you that the Lyric was a place that served pretty standard food.  If you asked for a bottle of hot sauce, you weren't getting anything special, just a bottle of Texas Pete's.  Their pierogies were the same Mrs. T's you could buy in the grocery store (after all, the Mrs. T's Company is based right in this town).  The Lyric is fine for what it is, but it's not anything special, nor does it really have to be in this area.

There are some different items on the menu.  Sriracha Chicken Bites for one.  I love sriracha, and the bites they serve are pretty tasty.  They also happen to be available at Sam's Club, and I think it's the same ones that they serve here.  The French Fries are pretty standard, as are most of the menu items.  Tonight I had Coconut Shrimp, and I think these are the same frozen Coconut Shrimp they sell at Boyer's.  My family likes it, and it's not anything offensive, so I eat here from time to time.

That might change, though.  If you're going to serve such standard food, you need to stand out in other areas.  I have had issues with service before, but tonight took the cake.  We arrived at 5:30, and stood at the front of the restaurant waiting to be seated.  Nobody on the staff came up to us to ask us if we needed a seat, or tell us to pick a table, or anything like that.  We just stood there, looking confused, and to be honest, I didn't know the seating policy, as every other time I've eaten there I arrived after my party was already sitting somewhere.  My wife and I just sat at a table, which must have been alright, since nobody asked us to leave.  They didn't ask us anything.  We just sat there for awhile until finally, maybe 10 minutes in, a waitress asked us if we were waited on.  She gave us menus, dropped some off for the rest of the party which had yet to arrive, and went on her way.

Family arrived shortly thereafter.  Someone came by and got our drink orders, promptly bringing by our drinks.  We ordered, and we sat.  And sat.  And sat.  I picked up my phone to play Tetris because I was bored.  My wife told me that was rude.  So we sat.  And sat.  And shared the news of the day with each other.  And sat.  And sat.  And started to feel very hungry.  And sat. And sat.  And sat.  And finished our drinks.  And got no refill offers.  And sat.  And sat.  And sat.  And looked around as a big steak was dropped off at the table next to us, and as the waitress yukked it up with those people.  And walked right by ignoring us.  And sat.  And sat.  I was hungry.  And since I had drank all of my water with no refill since the first glass, I was thirsty too.  I was also pretty angry.  Sorry for the short sentences.  I type short sentences when I am frustrated.  Like this.  And this.

My family was getting peeved as well.  My grandmother, completely out of character, took her spoon and hit her soda glass, making a loud "ding" that the waitresses ignored.  My aunt, wanting to find some humor in the situation, took her fork in one hand and spoon in the other and feigned banging a beat out on the table.  She does things like that when she's mad.  It's passive-aggressive.

It was after 7:00 until we received our food.  We got a brusque "sorry it took so long", but that was pretty much it.  And then, when we finally received our food, I looked down and prepared to chomp down on those popcorn shrimp.  They weren't anything special, but I had been waiting an hour and a half, so at the time they looked like the best thing I've ever eaten.  I picked up one of my shrimp---

"HOLD ON!!!  DON'T EAT THAT!" my waitress yelled as if eating it would end my life and possibly all of civilization.  I dropped it as if it were a grenade and backed away from the plate.  That was wierd.

She took my plate, said "I'll be right back," and soon dropped the plate back in front of me.

There were three shrimp missing.

Now, at eight shrimp, it looked like I got a good bang for my buck.  But with the remaining five, plus the crumbs left behind from their three missing siblings, it was looking pretty scrawny. 

I ate quickly and fumed.  The waitiress ignored us much of the time while she laughed and joked with more than one other table that was around us.  She took our orders and had us sit for over an hour.  She tried to avoid making eye contact with any of us.  I felt like a leper.

Then she gave me a generous helping of shrimp, and yelled so loud the whole restaurant could hear, and then took away much of that helping.

I wasn't impressed with this restaurant before.  Now I'm REALLY not impressed.

I bet people who watched movies in the Lyric had a better time than I had tonight.

I'm sitting watching Pleasantville as I type this.  It's a better movie than the Lyric is a restaurant.  Reese Witherspoon is in it.  I bet she could make me better food than what the Lyric served me tonight.  Tobey Maquire also is in this movie.  I bet he could make me a good meal, better than what I had tonight.  I bet Tobey Maguire knows how to make a mean Coconut Shrimp.  And I bet he wouldn't yell at me when I first started to chow down, too.

Stay away from this place.

Lyric, get your act together.

Lyric Restaurant
33 W Centre St  Shenandoah, PA 17976
(570) 462-1631





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